Last night I had a first date with my husband of five years. No that isn’t a typo…we really did have our first first date after all this time.
Since starting our business partnership eight years ago, then quickly moving in together (to cut down on ‘overhead’ costs for the business), subsequently tying the knot, having twins and moving across the country, we just never had the luxury of casual dating. And it’s high time, I tell ya!
Our relationship had recently become the neglected victim of a sudden growth spurt in our business. While attending to the day-to-day demands I had lost sight of the fact that our connection was not strong…not to mention the fact that my husband recently came back from a European training tour with a new vision, and renewed energy for our business…and I was out of the loop. Ouch! Every conversation where I tried to integrate our existing business with his newly established leadership only lead to conflict.
So, after a marathon session with my coach and trainer (and creator of the How to Talk to Men program) Martin Sage, I decided to go back to basics.
Martin recommended that I yield to my husband…not an easy step for an independent-minded American chick! I tell my clients to do that all the time. Why is it so hard for me?? He suggested I talk with my husband.
“I don’t know how!“ I said.
“Don’t you teach a class about that?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah.”
So when I called last night to ask my husband for a date, he suggested we act like it was our first date, and that we hardly knew each other.
Well, it was just about the most fun we ever had! We learned things about each other we never knew. I’m not going to get to graphic here, but it really did feel like the first time! We gave acknowledgements, positive feedback, told stories and created a team all over again. We found out we have a lot in common…in fact, his kids look exactly like mine!
When the thinly disguised veil of expectation, pressure and opinion were lifted it was amazing what came out. I realized how important curiosity is (and why it’s one of the top communication transformers).
With the absence of curiosity, our only choice is to listen to the rigid judgments lingering in the recesses of our shadowy ego minds. Past resentments fester and eventually harden into cynicism.
Going out on the first date with my man restored curiosity, lightheartedness and pleasure in our partnership. We still have a bit of a mess to sort out in some respects, but our heart and soul connection is healthy and totally restored. We will face the challenges together. My body, mind and emotions are at peace again.
We’re both looking forward to the second date! Anyone know a good babysitter?
